


Floating Time

by ElReyCiervo



Series: Yulmallen AU Drabbles [3]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alma lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Dissociation, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Nonbinary Alma Karma, Nonbinary Character, Other, Polyamory, Yulmallen, Yulmallen AU, im tagging the dissociation in case anyone is triggered by that or anything along those lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:13:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElReyCiervo/pseuds/ElReyCiervo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble #3) Allen has trouble staying sound of mind. He stumbles, sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Floating Time

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: dissociation, mental instability.

For a supposed "Destroyer of Time", Allen found that there were too many occasions where he would lose a marginal chunk of time that he could not recall. Ranging from a small number of seconds eaten away by a fleeting daydream to hours ravenously devoured by memories that were his, yet not his. There were too many occasions where he floated in the dark and soft— _thick, suffocating, smothering_ —morass of his mind, drifting between his own current time and the times of…the others. Oddly enough, it was because of these stolen moments that made him even more thankful for when he was in his own time, still had his sound mind. _Thankful,_ he scoffed to himself, _more like desperate. Desperate like a beggar pleading for his one scrap of food to survive the day_.

He had a migraine flaring the pain receptors in his brain like the roaring flames of Lavi's Fire Stamp ever since he had woken up. The blazing ache had awoken him hours before Alma and Kanda—the three of them had decided to share a bed once again that night, this time in Kanda's room _(whose room was this again?)_ —which had given him some time to peel away from his lovers, strip the pillowcase away from his pillow, and chuck the nosebleed-soiled fabric in the trash. He had cleaned his nose and returned to bed, knowing very well that he would not be able to go back to sleep.

Returning to bed, he was pulled closer to the warm bodies, and he breathed in the familiar _(but why are they strange ta me?)_ scents of green tea and cinnamon _(where 'ave I eva' smelled these things befo'?)_. He tried his best to ignore the headache that was pounding against his skull as he buried his face deeper into his pillow and closed his eyes. Although he was clutching his pillow tighter and tighter as a way to distract himself from his migraine, the feeling of the soft cotton fabric seemed to be lost against his fingertips. _(I don't rememba' sleepin' on anythin' this nice…)_ A familiar feeling engulfed his mind; however, it was not the gentle lull of oncoming sleep's caress, but instead something more suffocating and startling.

It was familiar but unwelcomed.

His eyes shot open as darkness began to encroach and swallow the corners of his vision. _No, no, no, no! I can't be having another episode! The other two are gonna wake up!_ The tightening of his chest could have been due to panic, but it also could have been the fact that he was forgetting to breath properly. _I can't make any noise else Cosimo 'll come in 'ere 'n throttle me!_ Before the inky haze enveloped his vision, his last thought was, _Tha' damn bastard betta not touch Mana—_

Time was such an odd concept when one's time was never always their own.

—The darkness that clouded his vision diluted into clarity like ink lightened by water. He felt as if he was floating like a piece of driftwood lost at sea. The sharp ringing that sounded in his ears soon began to fade away, and he was able to hear two people's voices. _Why do they soun' so worried?_

"Allen! Allen, please, come back to us!"

"You're safe Moyashi! It's alright."

_Who the bloody hell is 'Allen'?_

He had to blink his eyes several times before his vision stopped doubling. He looked around his surroundings, taking in the toppled end table, the ripped sheets, the shattered mirror, and the papers strewn all over the place. _How di' this 'appen…?_ Somehow he had gone from lying in bed to standing in this mess of a room, and God why was he hurting so much? A throbbing ache that radiated from the knuckles of his right hand made him look down, only to see dark red blood dripping down the pale skin of his fingers. A slight draft in the room ghosted over the wetness, making him more accurately aware of his dripping right hand and the bleeding of his nose. … _Why am I bleedin' so much?_ He slowly maneuvered his gaze from his right hand to his black left, confused as to why his left hand was equipped with what looked to be a deadly set of talons.

He did not know whose blood stained those sharp talons…

_Wha' is goin' on…? Where am I?_

With more energy and effort that it should have, he turned his head to look at the two other people in the room. The taller one with the long raven hair was standing in an abrupt stance, a long sword _(that's Mugen; Mugen is one of the most important things in his life other than us.)_ in hand pointed at him. Cobalt eyes stayed trained on him, pinched with worry and…was that a little bit a fear that he saw gleam in those eyes? _Why are ya scared? Are ya scared o' me?_ The other person with the fluffy chestnut hair had that same worry and slight fear radiating from them, except this person wore it visibly on their face. Tears glistened in their warm, deep brown eyes, looking as if they were torn between two hard decisions. Their arm, which was transformed into something akin to a blade _(they didn't want that Innocence, but they had to make do with it. Forced to bond with it in that awful lab.)_ was also trained on him.

For some reason unbeknownst to him, he hated those expressions on these two people's faces. Did he know them? If so, was that the reason why his heart clenched every time he looked at their pained faces?

He took a careful breath, trying to orient himself. "Who..are ya'? Where 'm I?" Were his hands always shaking, or did they just start now?

The two people in front of him exchanged a look, then turned back at him. While their weapons were still pointed at him, they looked more on guard then ready to attack? _Did I 'urt you?_ "We're Alma Karma and Yuu Kanda," the person with the chestnut hair announced, slowly lowering their transformed arm and taking a step forward. "Before we answer your last question, I have to know…What is the last thing you remember?

What _was_ the last thing he remembered? "I…I 'memba' sleeping on a soft bed—no, no! Scratchy bed, with Mana?" He shook his head, clutching his tangled hair, not caring about the dizziness that came with the movement. " _No!_ No, that's not right either. Two people? Yea', I was sleepin' next to two people…Cinnamon an' green tea…"

The raven haired person sheathed the sword and walked closer to him. Hands were placed on his shoulders as desperate cobalt met confused and tired mercury. "That was us, me and Alma. You sleep with us." The person lowered their hands to tear a strip of cloth from the bottom of their shirt and use it to dab at the blood that was still leaking from his nose. He was pulled into an embrace, and he felt the second person wrap their arms around him from behind.

"You're in the Black Order, with us, in Kanda's room. It's early Sunday morning, but that sun hasn't risen yet," he heard as he felt mumbling against his shoulder. "You're with us; you're safe. You're okay."

Memories flitted in rapid succession through his mind— _"My name is Allen Walker, and I am apprenticed to General Cross Marian," he said as he introduced himself to the people of the Order."—He was doubled over, laughing at Lavi and his ridiculous attempts of vampire-be-gone. "I'm not the one who's gonna be bit when we find this guy!"—He yelled in both physical pain and the pain of betrayal as Crown Clown's blade_ _ **burned**_ _through his very being, lighting his nerves on fire right down to his core.—"Thank you, Allen Walker." He needed them to be safe, needed them to stay away from the manipulating hands of both the Order and the Earl. "Arda!"— He trusted Alma and Kanda to take him down if he ever hurt anyone again…He couldn't let his slip that hurt Johnny happen to anyone else. He had to stay strong, keep fighting and resisting from being consumed in Neah's memories. —"We love you, the both of us. Don't forget that." —"I'm Allen Walker, and I'm never going to stop walking."_

He sucked in a gasping breath as the memories crashed over him like a tsunami, drowning and overwhelming him. Crown Clown deactivated. He shook, and he would have fallen to his knees of not for his two lovers easing all of them to the ground. "I'm sorry, _I'm sorry, I'm sorry_ ," he breathed out as he desperately grasped at the two of them. His eyes were stinging. Words spilled from his mouth nonstop, gushing like a raging river, "I forgot you two—I didn't remember—I must have wrecked the room—Did I hurt you?—I'm sorry, I probably did, I didn't mean—"

Alma was quick to shush him, swiping their thumbs under his eyes to brush away the tears. "Hey, hey, there's nothing to be sorry about, Al," they smiled as they shifted their hands to cradle his clammy face. "It's not your fault that you lose yourself sometimes. Not your fault at all."

He sniffled, but then grimaced as he got a clotty and sticky mouthful of blood. He nodded his head to show Alma he was indeed listening and hadn't drifted again, but internally he was disagreeing. He was responsible for his own actions, so of course it had to be his fault. _I'm unstable and dangerous...I wish they would understand this. I couldn't bear the thought if something happened to them because of me._

A touch to his forehead made him flinch and focus back on the present. Kanda pressed his forehead against his, drawing his gaze to his own. "I can hear you thinking, Moyashi, and I know it's nothing good." He pressed a tender kiss to his lips, and Allen could practically breathe in the compassion, love, and worry. "Stop being an idiot." Kanda may not have been a man of many words, but his actions spoke for him.

"'M not an idiot, Bakanda," he murmured, leaning more and more against his lovers. Christ, he hated the aftermath of his episodes: they always left him so, so drained.

Alma laughed, the rumble of it reverberating through their chest into Allen. "As crass as Yuu is, he has a point, Allen. The items in the room are just material things that can be replaced. And you couldn't hurt us! One little scratch won't do anything to us, so don't worry."

Perhaps it was the lack of energy and partial lack of focus, but he couldn't bring himself to object as he wanted. Instead, he focused on grounding himself to the present, the now, to _his_ own time. This moment, sitting here on the floor of the trashed room with Kanda and Alma, was his time— _not_ the others', _his_. The elevated temperatures of his lovers began to melt away the clammy chill that claimed his body, and he clung to their hands with his own. Breathing in cinnamon and green tea, he nuzzled his face into Kanda's neck as he was lifted off the ground. Soon the feeling off frayed sheets replaced that of skin and night clothes, and he could feel himself drifting off. "Love you two," he said through sleep-heavy lips.

"We love you too, Allen."

"Don't you ever think differently, Moyashi."

Alma's arm draped over his and Kanda's waists, and Kanda rested his arm over his shoulders and Alma's arm. With Alma to his right and Kanda to his left, he was sandwiched in the middle. However, he couldn't bring himself to care. This was his time. This was his.

Cinnamon and green tea.

* * *

 _Published_ : 9/9/16

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Thank you to everyone dropped a comment for the last installment (LorellaMoon, Ena, Ryuakilover, and Wragziez)! And also thank you to everyone who bookmarked and left kudos!
> 
> A/N 2: I headcanon that Allen dissociates from time to time due to all the different memory sets he has crammed inn that head of his. Check out my tumblrs (badlydrawnyullen) and (ms-musicl0vertheexorcist) if you want more DGM stuff. :D


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